She couldn’t help it. Davina Duerr’s emotions got the best of her on a recent day at the YMCA pool: While swimming laps, the Bothell mom glanced over a few lanes and saw her daughter, Ende, putting the finishing strokes on earning her swim-test certificate.
“That was a big deal, wasn’t it?” she asked Ende, 6 ½, at home last week. “I saw her and it was one of those moments when you get choked up. You see her struggling, but she powered through, didn’t you? It’s a great ‘mom moment.’ Perseverance, right? That’s what you want your kids to do.”
Duerr also enjoys watching her 9-year-old son Sebastian’s “rowdy” lacrosse games, and participates in the screaming and joking around on the sidelines with the other parents.
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Kenmore’s Alene Fisher, mom to Kier, 13, and Aksel, 11, feels that putting their thoughts out in the open is a major factor in keeping the family tight knit and aware of what’s going on, whether it’s feeling sad or mad or wondering about the opposite sex.
“We always talk. Everything’s on the table, even things that they don’t want to talk about,” she said.
As she looks at the “family board” on the refrigerator, Fisher points out pictures of their sailing, skiing, hiking and backpacking trips. “They still want to do stuff with us,” she laughs. “Because at 11 and 13, they still like us — mostly.”
Kier and Aksel note that their mom takes special care of them when they’re sick (without her, they’d “be a mess”), makes stellar chocolate-chip cookies and pancakes (“In a contest between her and a five-star chef, there is no question who would win — mom”), betters their lives 100 percent and reminds them of “all the happy and nice things on Earth.”
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For Kenmore mom Karissa Webster, experiencing an Airborne Toxic Event indie-rock concert with her three teenagers and sharing both hilarious and serious conversations with them are highlights of their relationship.
On the latter talks, Webster said they involve going to college, dating and alcohol and drugs. Eamonn, 17, an Inglemoor High senior, will be attending the University of Washington in the fall, and Webster couldn’t be happier with that accomplishment.
Sharing quality time with her children is key, she said. “I’m so blessed that they can come to me individually and say, ‘Hey, I’m going through this situation, here’s how I’m dealing with it,’” Webster said.
But then laughter ensues as she discusses their “juvenile” conversations, which are just as important to the family dynamic. “My 14-year-old (Ailish) always says, ‘What is wrong with this family?’ Because we have this horrible off-the-wall sense of humor — a lot of the conversations that go on at our dining-room table you could not hold them in public. It’s a third-grade sense of humor that has carried us through all these years. Maybe that’s it, I think I never really grew up, I think that’s the magic, because at every age they’ve been, I’ve been able to relate.” (Bryn, 15, rounds out Webster’s kid lineup.)
HOW TO BE A GOOD MOM
Duerr, who is a proud age 40 (“You have to embrace it, because you’ve earned it all”), is a part-time architect, school art docent, chair of the Bothell Landmark Preservation Board and recently helped launch the Northshore Schools Foundation Milk Money campaign, which invites community members to contribute spare change to benefit the Advanced and Disadvantaged Learners Initiative.
With a tableful of activities in her life, plus her two kids and husband, Bernie, how does Duerr make it all happen?
“I had an epiphany a few years ago that I had to stop looking at it as how crazy and hectic my life was and think of it as rich and full,” she said. “Just to try and change the paradigm, because you can get caught up in stressing. But really the reason for the stress is that you have so many opportunities and fun things to do — so it’s just trying to change that, turn it around into something positive, and I have a very supportive husband.” (She added that her own mom doles out advice and encouragement, as well.)
Raising her eyebrows and smiling, Duerr noted that it does get hard sometimes and she often evaluates her day before going to bed. She added that more kid time might be part of the next day’s plan, putting them first before making a phone call or sending an e-mail to a friend.
“I don’t think I’m alone in that kind of push and pull… I also think it’s good to teach them the things that I do outside of home are very community oriented and about service,” she said.
Around home, it’s all about game nights and singing along with their karaoke machine; favorites are tunes by Michael Jackson, the Eagles and Frank Sinatra.
Adds Ende about mom: “She cuddles with us and lets me cook with her.”
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Fisher, 52, whose mom taught her to sew at an early age, started a children’s pants business called String Beans with a bus-stop friend three years ago. She was a professional seamstress for Britannia Jeans out of high school and now designs the prototypes for pants to accommodate tall and skinny kids.
Over the years, she was president of a basketball equipment manufacturer and flipped houses for six years.
“And now I have this highly unpaid job,” she laughed about being a stay-at-home mom — one who also property manages several rental homes.
Her husband of 16 years, Mark, or “Fish” as Alene calls him, plays a crucial role in keeping the family on the right track — and giving her a needed rest.
“I don’t think I could do this by myself. I have a tremendous amount of respect for women that have to be single parents or dads who have to be single parents,” she said. “Honestly, there’s some times you just need to go, ‘It’s your turn — you’re on and I’m off.’ And if you’re single, you can’t do that — so hats off to them.”
Sharing ideas and stories with other moms also gives Fisher a boost in interacting with her family. She considers her mom friends “colleagues,” and that includes her own mom, whom she spends a lot time with and calls Fridays their watching-movies days.
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The Northshore Schools Foundation is also a vital organization for Webster, 43, who shares co-president duties with Kristin Austin. Webster’s work gig is a realtor with Lake & Company.
Webster and her family moved to Kenmore 12 years ago because they heard good things about the Northshore School District. She became hooked in to the school scene after her first Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) meeting at Arrowhead Elementary and soon became co-president of the PTA and volunteered to help run events and be a chaperone on field trips.
“What better way to show your kid that they’re a priority, and their education’s a priority, than showing up in the classroom itself? It’s built our relationship being involved with schools,” said Webster, whose ex-husband, Rob Collins, plays an active role in the kids’ lives.
Whether she’s turning her kids on to her favorite bands like Supertramp, Led Zeppelin or Queen, making Justin Beiber jokes, enjoying the local parks, white-water rafting on the Rogue River in Idaho or having those in-depth conversations, Webster is leaving her mark on their lives.
“What makes Karissa a special mom is that while she encourages us to do our best and holds us to high standards, she is understanding and allows us to grow on our own. She will always be there for helpful guidance, but she knows that in order for us to grow up, we have to do some of it by ourselves,” Eamonn said.
Added Bryn: “My mom, to me, is probably my best friend. She can always sense when something is going amiss in my life and she’s always willing to sit with me and talk about whatever it is that’s bothering me, whether it’s track, school, work or myself.
“She’s always given me good advice that I’ve followed through the most stressful times in my life, and made me laugh at my own mistakes and let go of things I have no control over.”
THE END RESULT
What stands out the most is that these local moms are strong, confident and proud of themselves and their families. We’ll let them have the last words on motherhood and family life:
• “I think having a strong community, whether it’s a spiritual community or your neighbors or some other support system; I learned that early because I was lucky enough to join PEPS (Program for Early Parenthood Support),” Duerr said. “Even today, so much of what keeps me strong and gives me ideas is talking to other moms about, ‘Well, this might work or have you tried this?’ Just exchanging ideas, whether you agree or not.”
• “You just have two people that you love more than anything,” Fisher said. “And it’s just the most amazing feeling.”
• “I am amazed, because I remember when my kids were little, thinking how terrified I was of the teen years. Because that’s what you hear is how awful they are when they’re teenagers,” Webster said with a smile. “And here I am with three teenagers. I really like who they are as people and I do think that a portion of that absolutely comes from the parents. But I really feel it’s the community, and part of it is the schools, obviously… The whole tie-in of what a fabulous group of community members that help each other out. It’s that whole takes-a-village thing.”
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As for Mother’s Day celebrations, Duerr said some of her friends have tea with their moms, but Webster and Fisher note that it’s the every-day things that count around their households.
“I don’t subscribe to Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, all these days,” Fisher said. “If you want to do something nice for someone, just do it.”