In the last several weeks, the conversations I have experienced in my practice have focused upon the desire for change.
The mark of a new year invites us all to take inventory of our lives and search for those places where we desire difference. Among us all, there is a shared experience of seeking a new and more enriched way of living. We are all excited by the idea of what is possible this year.
For each, the desire for change will vary. Perhaps the quest for difference in your life is found in your home — a call to engage in more intentional ways with your loved ones and family. Perhaps there is a commitment that calls you to a professional transition or a financial revolution. Perhaps this is the year that you desire to deepen your experiences in the community, seeking to create change in new social domains.
For some, the process of creating resolutions can seem overwhelming where a tremendous amount of change is desired. For others, the process can feel undesirable or trite, lacking meaning and significance in one’s life. Perhaps you have made resolutions in the past and have been discouraged or felt shamed by failed attempts at success.
Regardless of how you may have experienced resolutions in the past, I encourage you to start fresh this year. Take the opportunity of this time to think beyond the idea of traditional resolutions to a greater conviction for bringing change to the areas of life where you might desire. Here are some suggestions for creating change this year and optimizing success:
• Describe the desire. What is the feeling or experience that change is intended to create in your life? Why is this way of being important or valuable to you during this time? Experiment with language. Try a few words to express what it is that you are needing, wanting, seeking. Perhaps it’s a sense of pleasure, a conjuring of generosity, a way of simplicity, a spirit of peace.
• Identify areas of change. Once you have found the language that describes the changes you are seeking, it will be helpful to deepen that broader concept by being specific about how the attribute, quality or experience will appear in your life. Specify how change would arrive in aspects of your life. These will most likely be changes that can be described in terms of behaviors and can be followed over time. (Hint: Consider areas that can be measured or recorded over the coming year.)
• Use your senses. What does change look like? What does change sound like? What does it feel like? Often we are so captivated by the object of change that we fail to concentrate on the process of change itself and how we will know it is arriving through the experience of our senses. • Be realistic in your plans. One of the greatest reasons that change is not accomplished is that its path is not achievable. While it is inspiring to believe that we can claim change and watch it unfold, it is most successful when we take small steps toward that direction. As you imagine the steps needed to increase the changes you desire, start small, go slow and build over time. Dream big, but be patient with yourself in the process.
• Create support. As you consider the areas of your life that you would like to experience differently in the coming year, it can be extremely beneficial to engage in relationships that can offer assistance and support. Find a few close friends or join a group that can foster the kinds of changes you would like to create.
Bringing change into our lives is a process that is seldom simple and often requests much effort. Despite the challenge that often arises when we expand beyond the familiar, there is a foundational desire for our lives to continually become refined, enhanced and enriched. This quest toward a deeper and more meaningful way of experiencing ourselves and our world is a shared quest as we together seek to usher change into our lives and thus our community. I wish you well in your quest and fun with the journey.
Shannon Renae West is a licensed family therapist working with individuals and families in downtown Bothell. She can be reached at (425) 415-6556 or at ShanWest@msn.com.
